four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
