this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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