I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
