i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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