I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
