yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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