I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
