Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I AM VODKA MAN
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
