Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
