Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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