....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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