Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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