So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
