she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
