Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
