remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's official drugs can't kill me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
