btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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