I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Soap is not a condiment
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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