Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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