Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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