I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
