So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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