plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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