I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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