I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
