When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
