who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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