First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
