Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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