I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
