i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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