Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
