I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
