How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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