I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
