I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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