Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize