I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
