I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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