So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
