apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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