eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize