Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
