it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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