uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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