A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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