you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
