does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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