girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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