I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
