There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
