Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
