I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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