Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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