i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
jump out the window naked night went bad
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
