i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
