You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
