Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
