We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
