I got chris browned last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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