Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
