just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
