you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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