I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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